retirement plan for recession

ah sunday – a day for some fun and humour.

we all know that the recession is here. we all heard of big corporations like intel shutting down and of many people being out of job. well, here’s a letter from a human resource manager who thought of a scheme to put all employers over the age of 30 for early retirement.

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Dear Colleagues,

Due to the current financial position, economic recession and probable future mergers, the management has decided to implement a scheme to put all employees over 30 years of age on early retirement.This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged Personnel Early).

Persons selected for RAPE can apply to the management for the SHAFT(Special Help After Forced Termination) scheme.

The situation of the employees who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW(Scheme for Retired Early Workers Scheme).

An employee may be RAPED only once, SHAFTED twice but may be SCREWED as many times as the management deems appropriate.

Employees who have been RAPED can get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants and Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earning for Retiring Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously employees who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED by the Management.

Any other Employee on SHAFT or SCREW will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives to its employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring it to the notice of your Manager.

We have been trained to give you all the SHIT that you can handle.

Manager – Human Resources